Motherhood was something I never dreamed of (per se) as a little girl. But, when my husband and I got married we decided we wanted to start a family. However, we did not start our family right away. We actually waited 3.5 years after saying our “I Dos” because we dated long-distance for 4 years (never living in the same state, county, city, or home until AFTER we walked down the aisle and jumped the broom) so we wanted those first few years to be just about us. We wanted to create a firm foundation of love, trust, peace, joy etc. before introducing a new dynamic into our relationship.
When we finally found out we were expecting in August of 2015 we were elated to expand our family. My pregnancy was amazing! I didn’t have any morning sickness, I had a beautiful pregnancy glow, and my body was growing at a steady rate to accommodate the baby I had growing inside me. For seven months everything was going forth without a hitch (regularly scheduled doctors’ appointments, a gender reveal party, purchasing items for the baby etc.) until I went to a standard routine appointment on Friday, January 15, 2016…A DAY I WILL NEVER FORGET!
That day I had a glucose test scheduled to examine if I had developed gestational diabetes. After downing the sugary drink I was called back to do an ultrasound. At the time, I was 28-weeks gestation. I was so excited to see my baby. I can still picture that ultrasound in my mind clear as day. The sonographer started showing us the anatomy of our munchkin but as she went through each body part she mentioned I didn’t have a lot of fluid around the baby. After saying that phrase twice, she said she needed to go get the doctor to have a look at my baby boy. When she said that my gut told me something wasn’t right.
Unfortunately my nightmare came true. When the sonographer came back into the room she cleaned the gel off my stomach and escorted my husband and me to a room across the hall where two doctors awaited us. One had a box of tissue so I knew it wasn’t going to be good news, but I wasn’t ready for what came next. “Your baby no longer has a heartbeat.” From there we were asked to make some tough decisions.
We decided I would go into the hospital the following day and be induced to deliver my firstborn son DJ (aka Derrek Jr). My labor actually took three days. On Monday, January 18, 2016 at 5:48AM an angel was born. The room was still and silent, but, it was the only place I wanted to be as I laid eyes on DJ for the first time. Getting a chance to love on my [stillborn] child made my heart dance. I still to this day cherish those few hours (we weighed him – 1.5oz, measured his length – 12in, took foot and hand prints, and had a photographer capture pictures of him and our family) we got to spend with DJ before saying our forever goodbyes. Before DJ was wheeled out our room we prayed for him and dedicated him back to God. We hugged and kissed him, told him we loved him and cried as bereaved mom and dad as the nurse removed him from our room for the final time.
Although my motherhood experience started off unsteady DJ will always be my firstborn son. I will always cherish his life and legacy. Because of him he lead me to be the mommy of my energetic 3.5 year old rainbow baby Grayson (whom I got pregnant with seven months after DJ’s delivery; Grayson was born six-weeks early, spending a week in the NICU), and my golden baby (a baby born after a rainbow baby) was born five-weeks early at 35-weeks, one day after my hubby’s 35th birthday, during our global pandemic of Covid-19. To say motherhood has been the ultimate challenge for me is an understatement. But I wouldn’t trade any of my story for the world, because it gave me three precious boys!
Want to read more of my Noble Paperie Noble Mothers Interview? Click here.